Happy Loyalty Day! Well, at least, happy Loyalty Day to my friends out west where it’s still 1 May.
Not heard of Loyalty Day before? Me either. As not to feed the tinfoil-hat-wearing Obama conspiracy theorists, we should note that this particular federal observance was started during the height of the Red Scare by President Eisenhower, a Republican, as America’s answer to International Workers’ Day.
This does not mean the holiday’s creation or continued observance was or is a good idea. This year’s iteration (as in previous years) features an annual declaration from the White House, replete with wooden nothingspeak and inappropriately capitalised common nouns:
When we make big decisions as a country, we necessarily stir up passions and controversy. These debates are a hallmark of democracy; they allow us to trade ideas, question antiquated notions, and ensure our Nation’s course reflects the will of the American people. Yet even as we disagree, we remain true to our shared values and our common hopes for America’s future.
On Loyalty Day, we renew our conviction to the principles of liberty, equality, and justice under the law. We accept our responsibilities to one another. And we remember that our differences pale in comparison to the strength of the bonds that hold together the most diverse Nation on earth.
In order to recognize the American spirit of loyalty and the sacrifices that so many have made for our Nation, the Congress, by Public Law 85-529 as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as “Loyalty Day.” On this day, let us reaffirm our allegiance to the United States of America and pay tribute to the heritage of American freedom.
American spirit of loyalty?

Freedom? Hm. Thank you for the invitation, but for a number of reasons,
Why don’t you give me a call on the 4th of July.